A warning: There be reporters lurking

July 24th, 2008 | By Kelsey | No Comments »

I’ve been warned that I should watch what I write because the media is starting to lurk in these parts.

This is a good thing, but as I watch the number of visitors grow each month a bit of me longs for the day when most of the hits to my blog were me. And since I knew how stupid I could be already, there was no real concern about writing something stupid or posting, say, this photo.

I’m pretty sure I haven’t said anything that stupid or offensive the three years I’ve been blogging. Most of the credit for this should go to Annie who has silently lurked on my blogs from Day One, making sure that I don’t say anything that embarrasses her.

Thankfully she has enough shame for both of us.

I’m sure that in the future (unless the internet implodes) my seventy-year-old self will stumble upon Where am I Wearing? and perhaps even the good ol’ days of Touron Talk and think, “What the hell?”

Misremembering the English language

May 13th, 2008 | By Kelsey | No Comments »

I watched Roger Clemens testify before Congress. I laughed at him when he busted out “misremember” after “misremember”.

“That’s not even a word,” I said to the TV, talking around a bite of cold pizza.

Months later and I find “misremember” entering my everyday speech. I always say it with a wink and a nod and maybe a pair of air-quotes, as if everyone had spent hours on the Tuesday or Thursday – or whatever day the testimony was – watching it. Like it was our own inside joke.

Last night the guest on the daily show – some Washington crony whose book Stewart touted as “well foot-noted, making for a very slow read” – busted out “misremember”. I laughed, smug with the knowledge that I knew “misremember” wasn’t a word.

This morning I sat at my computer to write about how amazing it is that Roger Clemens, a baseball player, had invented a word that looks like it’s taking hold. But first I decided to look it up in the dictionary, even though I knew it wouldn’t be there. It was.

Misremember is a word.

And what a great word it is. Instead of having to say “I don’t recall” or “I can’t remember” or some other multi-word phrase, “misremember” is a tight little package of “hell, I don’t know.”

Have you used “misremember”? You should give it a try. Although if you’re testifying before Congress, you might want to be a bit more formal: “Sir, I cannot (conjunctions are too informal for Senators) at this time.”

Today’s writing exercise: Rolphing

April 8th, 2008 | By Kelsey | No Comments »

If only I would have discovered Rolphing before I finished my book. I’m sure it would have taken my creativity to whole other level. Matt Sloan and Aaron Yonda of Chad Vader fame spoke at the conference this past weekend and introduced a room full of middle-aged women to rolphing. Some of the women may have thought it was funny. I thought it was hilarious.

Anti-gaters unite!

February 13th, 2008 | By Kelsey | 4 Comments »

We have a -gate on our hands, and you might remember that I’ve vowed to put an end to all -gates.

This one is Nannygate and the object of my ire is ESPN journalist Jayson Stark. While blogging at the Clemens-McNamee hearing, he used “Nannygate” in reference to the controversy of whether Clemens’s nanny kids and himself attended a party hosted by Jose “Juiced” Canseco.

Stark’s misdeed:

1:36 p.m. ET
Nannygate erupts again.
Rep. Tom Davis asked Clemens to clear up how he came to invite the nanny back to his house last week and we learned from Clemens “it was great to see her.”
But as the Nannygate questioning rolled along to center around whether Clemens’ family was at Canseco’s increasingly famous party, Clemens did suggest he came to “believe the nanny was there with my kids.”
As for him, though, “I was on my way to the ballpark,” Clemens said, voice rising.
“I know one thing,” he said. “I wasn’t holed up with somebody trying to do a drug deal.”
Another fine sound bite moment for Clemens. He’ll take all he can get.

I will do everything in my power to insure that Mr. Stark ceases to use -gate. In fact, I just posted a comment on his blog. I’m sure he’ll read comment #3502 and comply immediately. Here’s my comment:

Mr. Stark,

The silliness must stop. Your use of “Nannygate” in this posting is an embarrassment to all that is Journalism.

My non-profit organization strives to rid the world of any use of the -gate suffix to refer to a scandal. Such usage is overdone, uncreative, and annoying. Please stop this before some famous person scandalously hops a gate, steals a gate, or is hit with a gate and we are subjected to the Gate-gate scandal. And if that famous person was Antonio Gates, the Pro Bowl Tight-end for the San Diego Chargers, we’d end up with the ridiculosity that’d be Gates-Gate-Gate scandal. And if that took place at the Watergate Hotel…

Well, You get the idea.

We will follow your writings closely in the weeks to come. Any other mention of “nannygate” will likely result in more pointless comments. And no one wants that, do they?

Respectfully,

Kelsey Timmerman
President/Founder of the Anti-Gate/Anti-litmus test Organziation (AGALO)